The importance of learning to be alone

One of the things that I remember my mom telling me was “If you can learn to be by yourself, you will never feel alone.” Never has this bit of advice been more relevant to me than in the last month since I’ve moved here.

Even before I made my move, I knew that I wouldn’t know anybody here in St Louis. But the one thing I didn’t realise was how difficult it would be to meet people either. When looking for an apartment, I decided to live by myself (at least initially) because some past experiences have taught me not to live with people I didn’t know. People at work are friendly, but everyone has their own families and social circles that makes it a little harder to find time or opportunities to socialise.

So in the past month I’ve been learning to live by myself. It does get a little lonely at times, but the one thing I’ve told myself from the beginning was that I wouldn’t let not having company stop me from going out to experience new things. Life is an adventure that only happens once and you can either sit around waiting for things to happen, or go out and grab it by the proverbial horns.

But don’t think that I haven’t been a little intimidated. Yes I admit that the fear of not knowing where anything was did initially cause me to hesitate, but sometimes you have to put your feet one in front of the other and just step out. The more I’ve done it, the more I felt like I could cope with this new life and this new city. Looking back, if I had just been waiting for company, I would never have gone to see the Symphony at the Park or the Greek Festival or even just down to the gym and my life would have been far the less for it!

So if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, let me pass on a little advice of my own:

1. Never underestimate the power of Google. In the time I have been here, I have been dependent on Google Maps for directions (their public transit option is very accurate these days), as well as searching for services I needed. For example, when I was looking for a bed I googled “Cheap furniture near (my address)” and found a local store.
2. You can look for community events by Google-ing. I found out about the Symphony by googling “Things to do in St Louis“. Other good places to meet people are local clubs, churches, your work/school.
3. You can use things like finding out how to get to the grocery store into an adventure by exploring new neighbourhoods. There’s a small caveat to this: be sure to ask around about the places you want to avoid because some places are just much less safer than others.
4. Never be afraid to ask for directions. I found that people were generally friendlier than I gave them credit for at first and usually willing to help.
5. To get friends, first be a friend. I can’t remember who gave me this bit of advice, but it’s true. If you want company for dinner, ask people over. If you want people to hang out with, first invite them. I’m waiting till next week when I get a table, then I’m going to start having people over for dinner!

I will leave you with this beautiful quote:

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” – Jawaharial Nehru

Hope you’re having a great Saturday seeking out adventure!

Finding a church

Today was the day I decided to really start looking for a church. Apart from obviously being something I believe in, it’s also a great place to meet new people… and boy, do I want to get to know some people. Although I enjoy being on my own, it does get a little lonely – not to mention weird – to have conversations with yourself all the time.

Anyway, it took me a little while to build up to doing this for a variety of reasons: I didn’t know what people wore to church in this country (back home we are very casual – shorts, tees and sandals are ok!), I didn’t know about all the different denominations, and mostly because the last few Sundays I had to figure out where to go out and buy essential things like food and furniture. In regards to the first, I decided that jeans and a (forgive me but) tucked in shirt should be ok. In regards to the second, I decided to man up and just try the local methodist church.

Now just to give a bit of a background into this, the only church I have regularly attended was a rather contemporary, pentecostal church. I have therefore had very little experience with all the other denominations out there and had absolutely no idea what to expect from today’s service. I knew, at least from their website and the facade that the church appeared quite traditional – stained glass windows, impressive stonework etc.

If you’ve never been to a methodist church before (and I certainly hadn’t) then imagine this: The setting is impressive. The hall is lined with pews arranged in three sections. There are stained glass windows to the left and right, impressive pieces in the shape of an arch. The pastors, the choir and an organ takes up the centrestage. Beautiful reliefs are carved on the walls framing the altar. All the clergymen are in white robes and the choir is similarly decked out in black robes with green trim.

The service itself ran a little like this: There was a prayer at the start, followed by hymns. The lyrics to the hymns had to be found in a book which was placed on the pew in front. There was a lot of sitting and standing. The sermon was to the point and the whole service was short – we were done in about an hour. I spent quite a bit of time copying what other people were doing. Let me tell you that it was completely out of my comfort zone! Yet it turned out to be a very interesting and eye-opening experience, and I was glad that I went after all.

The best part was after the service and I not only finally got to talk to some people, but also had some amazing American food. The church had put on a little barbecue to welcome the students back. This, I think, is where being part of a church community is amazing. I finally had a chance to get to know people. People who were genuinely friendly and came up to talk to you – so important when you are new to a place! The BBQ was also an eye-opening experience. I don’t know if Americans know this, but you really can’t get this style of food elsewhere! We had pulled pork which, based on a little Google-ing, is basically wood-smoked pork. The taste is hard to describe, but take my word it was good!

Anyway, to cap off this rather long, rambly post, I now know a couple more people in this city and I think they’re having a book club thing on Wednesday night which I might check out. I don’t know if this is the church for me – will have a look around a little more before I decide – but I was glad that I tried something new. If nothing else, it was a really interesting experience and it’s always good to challenge your comfort zones.

Hope you had a fantastic Sunday!

p/s: It also turned out that I didn’t need to get worried about what to wear. A good many people were there in a shirt and pants, but quite a few were also in tees and jeans.

The state of play

I should explain where I’m at and what’s going on. So, if you read my first post, you will know that I’ve just made the 12832.8 km move from New Zealand to the USA. To St Louis to be more precise.

I’ve been here about two weeks now and am finally settling down to life in this part of the world. At the moment it’s summer and boy is it hot! The weather channel says it was 29°C which is much too hot for someone used to NZ’s much more temperate climate. In fact I was told by a local here that it’s actually relatively cool – it’s meant to be a whopping 35°C tomorrow!

But I digress.

So at the moment I’m in a little apartment within a rather large building of apartments. It’s a neat little place – I have a bed/living room, a small kitchen & dining room and a rather weird but spacious walk-in closet/bathroom (everything is multitasking here). There’s not much in the apartment at the moment. I finally got a bed after about 2 weeks on an airbed (actually the first bit of “furniture” I got!). I am trying to get a set of tables and chairs but I need to convince someone to give me a ride to Target. The location is pretty sweet! Work is about <10 mins walk away. There’s a coffee shop on the way which gives me $1 coffees! The public library is literally around the corner. Perfect!

Yeah that’s about it for now. I’ll post again soon!